Being a senior is weird and transitions are funky.
Spring Break rocked. We had some car troubles but that about covers the extent of the negatives. Alex and I wanted something genuinely relaxing and relatively inexpensive so we hopped in my Malibu and drove to Palm Beach to start the week off with a few close guy friends who we’ve known since freshman year. We spent our days doing a whole lot of nothing special – baking in the sun, cracking jokes, reminiscing, catching up, swimming, and eating. Being young, being friends. It was wonderful.
We left after a few days and drove to Hollywood Beach to visit her Grandma. As Palm Beach disappeared in my rear view, I started to think about how this might be the last time we really spent time all together. How I’ve only seen those guys, who I consider among my closest friends at Carolina, a handful of times this year. We’re so bad at keeping in touch while we’re on the same campus – who knows what will happen when we leave? We don’t share common ground the way I do with high school friends – I won’t automatically be spending my Christmases and Thanksgivings in the same place as them. With college, you graduate and maybe come back together for homecoming, maybe not. The thoughts were spiraling.
A couple of hours ago, I was listening to John Mayer’s “On The Way Home,” as I drove back to Chapel Hill from McKinney and thoughtfully considered the lyrics I have sang along to countless times before:
“Life ain’t short but it sure is small,
you get forever but nobody at all.
It don’t come often, and it don’t stay long.”
Hate me for being basic, but It felt right. Life is our longest undertaking and our greatest accomplishment but it’s each small step along the way that creates significance, right? We’ve got this big whole life, our own forever, and all the people that make it worthwhile, well they come and they go and that’s part of the beauty. They change you, they mold you, they make you think and reflect and love and give and receive. I guess there’s no telling what we’ll all be doing or who we’ll all be tomorrow, next month or next year but we’ll keep in touch I’m sure from time to time and at the end of the day, I guess he’s right – you get nobody at all. It sounds sad, but somehow it isn’t. Even so, we’re at each others sides – we’re not meant to be lonely – so I guess all we can do is surrender to what is, relax and let what will be, be. This impermanence and uncertainty is both overwhelming and daunting, but it’s coming whether or not we worry so I am sure, it’ll all be okay.